Happy Birthday, My 2011-Self!

    

Versi Bahasa Indonesia dari tulisan ini dimuat di WarungSaTeKaMu.org dengan judul Selamat Ulang Tahun, Diriku di Tahun 2011.

Dear my past self,

First, I’d like to congratulate you on your new birth! On this date, 2 November, we received Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour. And soon, your age will match mine: 15 years you have been on earth, and 15 years I have been living as a Christian.

Besides commemorating this unique occasion, I feel the need to share one truth you need to hold on to during your journey. To be precise, it’s a quote from one of the forerunners of our faith, which we’d come to see as an implication of the verse that led us to our repentance.

You’d actually read the words soon. So, why do I have to tell you earlier than you would?

Because this new birth, which would change our life trajectory forever, is the hardest possible journey option that we would walk down. We would repeatedly fall and lose hope: “Why have we still not reflected Christ, the Truth and Love? Why are we still hypocritical, selfish, and insensitive toward others? Why do we still live in sin?”

Deeper than mere words and deeds, we would question our identity: “Who am I? A follower of Christ, or something else?” For what the mouth speaks and the body does reveal who we truly are.

So I deem it necessary for us to know this comforting and encouraging quote earlier in our life:

Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else [that you needed, are needing, and ever need] thrown in.

   

Why do we resonate to these words from our forerunner of faith?

Because we would face many temptations to live for ourselves and base our identity on other things in this journey, be it family, community, education, work, relationship status, or even ministry. Praise be to God, for He opens our eyes to see – often through hardships – that there is only one firm foundation for our identity: Jesus Christ. We would sum up this truth as: Not what I do nor who I am, but Christ who is. (Myself, read up John 8:58 and admire and enjoy the Tetragrammaton parallel and the implications of Immanuel there.) Before and in Christ, who we are is clear – a sinner who has undeservingly received His grace, a servant whom He has adopted into His family, and an heir of the kingdom of God who is waiting eagerly for the eternal glory with Him in the resurrected body and the new heaven and earth on His second coming. And Christ fulfilled His promise: in His time, we would find with Him those everything else you needed, are needing, and will ever need. Let me share a glimpse of what you would experience in a moment. Concerning character: it is this aspect that the quote above most powerfully touches and softens our heart. Not because of our good morals, but because we love the least. Myself, we need to keep learning to humble our ego and listen. We would repeatedly fall into the old pattern of boasting selfishness that we push away and hurt other people. The growth in this area wouldn’t be easy, but the Spirit of Christ would enable us and lead us to many brothers and sisters and mentors who would help us. His grace leaves us no room to boast; instead, we boast of our weaknesses and His ever-sufficient power, for His glory and our joy.

Concerning study/work: the path which He’d open for us is too wonderful and unusual. How could we become the only Indonesian in a new major in several educational strata? How is it possible that through this unique field we are provided enough for ourselves, and even teem in abundance to share with others, until now? More importantly, why does He keep using this unfit and incapable self in an increasingly relevant field? My self, even until now, I still cannot fathom this calling, but I know for sure that Christ calls us to be faithful. Keep your eyes on Him, wrestle with Him in this vocation, and surely you will find Him with everything you need. Concerning romantic relationships, I need to start with an apology: we would make many mistakes. But they do not stop us from persevering. If it is the Lord’s will that we marry and testify to His mysterious love with the church, He will lead us to the spouse. Worry not; amid all this, we learn to enjoy the season of singleness and be satisfied in Christ for the life He has graciously given us. As you will read soon, true love in essence does not think of itself highly or lowly, but focuses on others. This is the Good News: God, who is Love, died and rose to save us so we no longer live for ourselves, but for Him who deserves our praise and imitation daily. Never stop believing and hoping in Him. Looking back, all I experienced in the last 15 years could only happen because of you. Thank you for taking that first step several days before we turned 15 years old – confessing with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believing in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead. Praise be to God, we never – and I have faith in Him that we will never – turned away from Him. Finally, keep walking faithfully in Him. Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Him. Tell and witness the Gospel of Jesus Christ. His grace will always be enough to destroy our idols and false ways, transforming and empowering us to abide in Him. The grace of Christ, who has known and loved us even before we were born, be with you until we see Him face to face. Soli Deo gloria, amen. Regards, Your 2026 Self