Bandung in My Eyes, 15 Years Later: A City of Scars and Healing

  

Versi Bahasa Indonesia dari tulisan ini dimuat di WarungSaTeKaMu.org dengan judul Bandung Buatku, 15 Tahun Kemudian: Tempat Luka Lama Dipulihkan.

The train was entering the platform when my friend dropped the question, “So what was your biggest takeaway from our event, bro?” Five days prior, we had just arrived at the same station from the opposite direction to serve in a youth camp. For me, going to Bandung, especially for ministry, could already be counted as the takeaway of this year since I had never included it in my itinerary for 2024. Why so? There were memories from this city which remained in my heart, 15 years later.

The first visit that left scars

I first went to Bandung for a school field trip, when I was in grade eight. I still remember the places we visited during that two-day-one-night trip: strawberry farms, Kawah Putih, Situ Patenggang, and NuArt Sculpture Park. These locations are educational and fun, right?

But I didn’t feel that way. If you know my repentance story, grade eight was part of the early time when I started trying to develop a personal life philosophy based on secular humanism, agnosticism, and atheism. Coupled with the factor of many schoolmates confessing to being Christians but behaving very unlike Christ, I felt alien and uncomfortable during the field trip. I even (regretfully, as I confess this past sin) looked down upon those who enjoyed our trip.

I did manage to slightly enjoy the activities, but the damage had already been done. I ended my first visit to Bandung as an idealistic teenage loner who, in his arrogance, thought he had advanced way farther than his peers. So depraved was my mental state that I unconsciously associated it with Bandung: I didn’t like my friends, I missed home, ergo, I did not like the city where we had our field trip.

As the school bus entered the Pasteur highway to return to Jakarta, my reflection in the bus mirror revealed scars which ran deep into my heart.

The surprise visit which healed wounds

If I were someone else reading this piece, I may ask, If you’ve been unconsciously avoiding going to Bandung for the last 15 years, why would you want to go and serve there now?

When accepting the invitation to serve in the youth camp in March, I frankly almost forgot my scars. I said “almost” because, even though the wounds and bad memories still existed, my repentance in grade 10 and my life journey afterwards, including moving to Singapore for university and work for the last decade, had helped to heal my wounds as “healthy” as they could be in the grace of God. Back to the hypothetical question above, I felt – and believed – that Lord Jesus helped me to not reopen those mental scars and become stuck again in my loneliness and sin which happened years ago. Moreover, the Holy Spirit helped me to focus on and hope for the blessings which He would bestow upon the camp participants, both the youths and my fellow ministers, through my unworthy presence and service (1 Cor. 15:9).

What transpired over the six days and five nights – five times the duration of my first visit to Bandung – was beyond all my hopes and expectations. I only realised this divine surprise on the trip’s final night in Bandung, as soon as I returned to my lodging from the dinner with the core committee. When I realised it, and now every time I recall it, I must fight to compose myself so as not to break into tears of gratitude.

While trying to control my emotions and hold back my tears, here was my response to my friend’s question on the station platform:

I have many lessons and reflections from our event, bro, but I suppose that there is one takeaway which is unique to me. You know my past, don’t you? How I was an atheist and agnostic during my secondary school years? Those beliefs made me arrogant, antisocial, and reluctant to mingle with my batchmates. And the time when my state hurt me the most was when I visited Bandung for a school field trip 15 years ago. I felt I didn’t have friends and couldn’t enjoy the trip at all.

Interestingly and very gratefully – and I only realised this last night – I now realise that those past scars have now fully recovered. I had no friends during the school field trip, whereas now I see with my own eyes that God has given me friends, even brothers and sisters in Him, the multitude and closeness of whom were way beyond what I could’ve imagined. Whereas I used to look down upon my friends, now I no longer even think about myself and focus instead on how to serve and bless the camp participants and my fellow committee members. And, whereas I left Bandung in the loneliness among the crowd, now I return from Bandung with a full awareness that I am no longer alone; I have you and the others, I am part of the grand family of the kingdom of God. Yes, I am now sleep-deprived, fatigued, and served during my leave from work, but if I were given the choice to repeat all the events from last Saturday, I’d gladly once again sacrifice all my possessions, and even myself, for this ministry (2 Cor. 12:15). So, Vin, my biggest takeaway from our event is the total recovery from God for my teens-time scars. Never would I have imagined that the city which left scars deep within me now became a place where God healed those scars completely. He even bestowed upon me an abundance of blessings and graces which I don’t deserve. I am really grateful to have met you and the others and served together. God willing, I will definitely come to Bandung again in the future.

The hope for complete recovery  

An element of the Biblical metanarrative is healing: we and all creation which had fallen into sin have been “groaning together in the pains of childbirth” (Rom. 8:22 ESV) while we “wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies” (v. 23).

In the sovereignty and grace of Lord Jesus, there are wounds which He heals in the present. Mine and other similar experiences can be called the present equivalent of the many divine healings recorded by the Bible: Jacob’s revived spirit when he realised that Joseph was still alive (Gen. 45:25–28), Hannah’s joy when she offered Samuel her son to God’s service (1 Sam. 2:1–10), and Peter’s gratitude when Lord Jesus affirmed him as many times as Peter denied Him (Jn. 21:15–19). At the same time, there are scars which Lord Jesus will only heal completely on His second coming, like Jonah’s anger against God and the Ninivites (Jon. 1–4) and the conflict between Paul and Barnabas (Acts 15:36–40). 

Regardless of whether He has healed them now or not, our scars should lead us to see the wounds of Lord Jesus, with which we are healed (Isa. 53:5). And although He may not have healed our wounds now, we can hold onto His promise to “wipe away every tear from [our] eyes” on His second coming (Rev. 21:4). Our wounds, then, become the witnesses of Jesus Christ’s healing in our lives (cf. Gal. 6:17).

I pray that my experience blesses you and points you to the hope of complete recovery from the Lord.

The grace of Lord Jesus Christ be with you, soli Deo gloria.